i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
