Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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