By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
