This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
