I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
