no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
