youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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