Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
