When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
