So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
