i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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