we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
