Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
