cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
