He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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