dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
