names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
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