I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
