look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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