just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
