i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
