did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
