Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
