i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
