it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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