we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My liver just had a heart attack.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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