Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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