sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
