one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I love having hate sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
