dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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