Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
