I can't watch pbs sober anymore
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
