You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
