just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
