It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
