Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
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I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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