I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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