I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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