Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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