My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
