went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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