i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
