wanna go halves on a baby?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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