I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
