so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i need some magic done to my vagina
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize