You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
