I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
