we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
