so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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