I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize