it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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