he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
