just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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