Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
