So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
