People with herpes should wear stickers.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
