ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
