Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
