it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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