I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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