if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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