I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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