i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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