bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
