Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
