Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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