Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
