The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
