We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
