What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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