i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think my fart just growled at me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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