Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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