There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
