when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
