so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
