Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
